…. That you almost never hear/see in real life

10. LOL
Laughing Out Loud. Ok you hear the laughing out loud in real life, BUT! What you don’t ever see is this… someone just sitting there maybe at the most smiling, trying to convince you they’re laughing. “That was funny, I am too laughing! LOL, see?” 99 percent of the time when someone types LOL, they’re really not!

9. ROFL
You don’t see that very often! Well sometimes you do. I’ve even done it myself, more than once… laughed so hard I fell out of my chair and ended up laying on the floor laughing to the point of tears. But again, when someone types ROFL on the internet, they’re really not, unless they have really long arms and can still reach the keyboard to let you know they’re now rolling on the floor laughing! By the way, I use this one often.

8. A/S/L?
Age, Sex, Location? That one I hate! Would you go up to a lady on the street and say… Age? Lets just leave it at Age! You know their sex (unless they’re in drag), and you know their location (same place you are). But I have never in all of my 39 years seen someone walk up to a stranger as ask… Age?

7. Would you like your penis to be 40% larger?
Not even on TELEVISION do you hear this! Only in junk email, only in banners, only on the net. Well, they do have the viagra and condom commercials now on TV. I guess this one will be next.

6. I’m 15, do you want to see naked pictures of me?
UGGGGH!!!! HATE HATE HATE THIS ONE! For one thing, these girls are NOT 15, for another, If I ever heard a teenager say that in real life I’d walk up to her and grab her by the ears and drag her home to her mommy. I mean really, has anyone ever really heard a teenager say that in real life? LOL (oops theres that not-actual-lol)

5. Want to have sex?
Ok, but are you big enough to reach across 5 states? Cybersex, what a STUPID idea. Sure people may ask you if you want to have sex in real life, but they usually KNOW you and are in the SAME ROOM.

4. Most insults and “shouts” filled with profanity and threats
Sure I’ve been insulted in real live, I’ve been threatened too. But it always cracks me up when some idiot I’ve never met and don’t even know their name starts “screaming” at me and threatening me and calling me every name in the book… online, while im playing online poker or backgammon or whatever. In real life most people don’t have the kind of nerve they have online where you can’t actually see their faces and don’t know their names. Have you ever noticed that? The balls are MUCH bigger online than in person (Diane being the exception). A good way to shut them up usually is to just say, OK, I live at 5692 Jackson Avenue, (Your city & State), Come on, I’ll be expecting you.

3. Do you want to see Paris Hilton getting _____’ed by a _____? (fill in the blanks)
Has anyone ever said that to you in real life? If so then you should consider getting out of Hollywood (or LA).

2. I WILL SUE YOU FOR SLANDER!
Ok, there was this crazy lady that a few of us who read this blog used to know. I don’t often talk about internet acquaintances to other internet acquaintances, but this lady just made it too easy, and well word sure gets around in internet groups. So everytime that she “heard that he said that she said” this or that about her, she would threaten to sue! That just doesn’t often happen in real life. For instance, if I said to my brother, “Our friend Eve is on a power trip, and I can’t stand to be around her anymore,” then my brother told this Eve what I said, this Eve person likely wouldn’t walk up to me and say ILL SUE YOU! This goes with the above, everyone has bigger barks online.

And number 1… is really just something I’ve always disliked, not even so much in this category, but I have to mention it.

1. lololol
Ok, we know LOL means Laughing Out Loud. But LOLOLOL? What is that? Laughing out loud out loud out loud? Little Old Ladies Often Laugh Out Loud? Lingering Outside Looking Oustandingly Lovely, Often Laughing? Come on people, lololol does NOT mean you find something extremely funny… go back to LMAO for that ok? Its an acronym, take out the extra OL’s.

And with that I sign off with an ACTUAL LOL.

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