Yes, this post is a couple of days early, but I figure many of you (at least some of you in the US) will be busy cooking starting tomorrow or Wednesday, or may be traveling, and may not be online.

Thanksgiving used to be a HUGE thing in my family. We used to all go to my parents house, all five siblings, five spouses, many many children between us, plus lots of friends. Sometimes people even showed up uninvited, but that was great because an invitation was not required in order to share Thanksgiving with us. There were sometimes 40 people or more, not counting babies. Every family brought 3 or 4 dishes. There was always a Turkey AND a Ham. Sometimes 20 desserts.

AH those were the good ole days. Then we all got older (much older), many of us moved away, some of us went through divorces, our kids grew up, WE started having grandchildren (although I don’t have any yet, thank God), and every year since my parents divorced after already having 10 grandchildren together, we “have Thanksgiving” at a different house every year. Fewer and fewer people are there each year. Every year for the past few years my sister and I swear we’re just not going to bother with it the next year. We consider doing other things instead, like maybe the two of us and our kids will go out of town, or out of state, and just have a mini-vacation. Then November gets here, my sister calls me and asks what we’re cooking for Thanksgiving this year and where we’ll have it, and we get down to menu-planning, not even mentioning our thoughts from last year of not doing it at all.

That’s ok. We usually have a pretty good time anyway, even with only 10 or 15 of us there. Hmmm, did that sound odd to say ONLY 10 or 15 of us? It’s a small amount to me… besides my immediate family and my neices and nephews, I have about 200 cousins (not an exaggeration), I haven’t even met them all. Please, don’t imagine me with my family sitting around a big table with proper place settings, a centerpiece, etc. It’s never like that. You grab a plate, you load it up, and you sit where there’s room. Sometimes that may even be on the front porch, if the weather is nice. Nothing proper in my family, we’re all animals.

Which brings me to this, which I’m posting in case you haven’t seen it. I received it via email:

TO MY THANKSGIVING GUESTS:

Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I’m telling you in advance, so don’t act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won’t be coming, I’ve made a few small changes:

1. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

2. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I’ve gotten the kids involved in the
decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea.

3. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.

4. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.

5. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I’m sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children’s recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don’t own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.

6. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We’ve also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table … in a separate room … next door.

7. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress “private” meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.

8. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that “passing the rolls” is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread.

9. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of young diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.

10. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.

Anyway! Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Americans. Happy Late Thanksgiving to my Canadian friends (Sorry I just now remembered)… and if you live somewhere other than US or Canada, Get over here! You’re missing out!