It usually is when people either start dying on ya or talking about it.

First, my dad called me. He’s 73 and has it in his thick skull that he won’t live much longer. I think he will, even though he’s battled colon cancer twice and skin cancer several times. He’s not sick now, but he’s making plans about burial, funeral, will, etc. I hate to hear about that stuff and told him so.

Then, I found out my mom, who’s manic depressive… she’s always either all the way up or all the way down… is down again. Her boyfriend called and told me that she hasn’t eaten or talked in four days. My youngest (but still older) brother will go today and make her go to the doctor. My mother also has a history of mental illness.

THEN, my oldest brother Wayne called me for the third time this week to tell me he loves me. Ok, that would be fine. Except one thing. None of my siblings have ever said those words to each other. Not that we don’t love each other, just that we’ve spent the past 40 years not knowing how to say it to each other. So now all of a sudden Wayne wants to say it three times in the past week?

Well I called my sister ask her what’s up with that, she said he had called her and told her the same. She thinks he’s dying soon. Wayne has a lot of health problems: Hepatitis, Alcoholism, Liver problems from the previous two, and a crazy blood disease that makes his skin break open and bleed from the merest bump against something. He had a job with no medical insurance before, and he took another job with insurance just so that he could get some treatment for these problems.

He had to wait 6 months at this new job to qualify for the insurance, but as soon as he got it he went to visit a doctor. Now my sister tells me that he only saw the doctor twice, and has quit his job and started calling everyone to say I love you… repeatedly.

What the hell??? Quit his job after finally seeing a doctor for treatment, then all these I love you’s? What? Did they tell him it’s too late? He HAS lost a huge amount of weight lately and is getting very tired-looking.

It’s also very sad when I think about the fact that I’m now at the age where some family members will inevitably start dying, such as uncles, aunts (I’ve lost several already), and my parents. But it’s too soon to lose a brother. All five of us are in our 40’s. I really miss when we were all young and healthy and carefree, including our parents.

All this info in one day has got me really worried and upset. Today sucked.

(I just realized that to say “today sucked” in past tense at 4:00 am seems kinda odd. But remember, its the end of my day)

I usually don’t talk about things this personal on my blog… but who can I be honest with if not people I’ve never seen face to face? (cept Diane)