I’ve told you all before about the mental problems of my mom. I’ll quickly tell you what’s been happening over the last few months before telling you the most recent.
She’s been in a deep depression and I’ve taken her to the doctor three times, each time she gets put on a different anti-depressant, and this last time on something to give her an appetite, even though she says she’s eating, she’s now down to about 85 pounds.
Here’s the thing, she lives with her boyfriend, and each time I’ve been to see her or to take her to the doctor, he was at work. I never have been able to speak to him, and he doesn’t have a phone, or a car. Today my sister went to see her, and her boyfriend was there, and from what he told her it’s much worse than we thought.
It isn’t just depression, she no longer knows how to DO things. Little things like washing the dishes or hanging laundry on a clothesline. Not that she has to do these things, her boyfrind Tim now does everything. But he told my sister that he tries to make her do things with him, just so that she will be doing SOMETHING besides sitting on the sofa or laying in bed. He said that he made her go outside with him to hang clothes on the line, and he said “Well come on then, what are you waiting for, start helping me.” and she stood there confused and said “But I don’t know how.” This is a woman whos been hanging clothes on a line her entire life. He said “What do you mean? You just hang them on the line with the pins.” and she replied, “But what pins, where are they, I don’t know what you want me to do.” (The pins were right there.) Then another day he tried to get her to wash three plates and two cups that were in the sink and she stood at the sink, confused for several minutes, then said that she didn’t understand what she was supposed to do with them.
He said that he cooks and makes her eat supper everynight, but that she won’t eat whatever lunch he leaves for her before he goes to work. He put a sandwich on the counter in a baggie one day, and when it was still there when he got home, and he asked her why she didn’t eat it, she said that she couldn’t get the baggie open, couldn’t figure out how.
My sister and I had no idea that it was anything more than depression, because we don’t live with her, we’re not around her, and as I said we never get to see Tim. My sister just lucked out that he was off work today when she went. The three times I took her to the doctor, I went in with her and told him what was wrong with her, but I didn’t know that she was having this other problem too, so the doctor has never been told that. I guess what I need to do now is go out later at night and try to catch Tim home, and ask him what day HE will be available to go with us to the doctor, so that he can go in with her and talk to the doctor.
Also, my sister asked him why he hasn’t gotten a phone hooked up, and he said that he had no idea that either my sister or I were going out to see her twice a week. He thought that none of us were coming to see her, my mom didn’t tell him. And he said he hasn’t had a phone turned on because he didn’t want to make it easier on us to NOT show up. In other words, if we could just call and hear mom say “sure im fine, ” then we never would go see her. Now that he knows we’ve been going while he’s working, he said he’ll have a phone turned on.
Another thing, my 3 brothers haven’t been to see her in forever, which pisses me off because we constantly tell them what bad shape she’s in. Seems like they don’t want to face it.
Can I get some feedback on this, please? Give me ideas about what different things could cause her to stop knowing how to do simple tasks. I don’t think it’s alzheimer’s, because she still knows everyone and still asks about her grandkids, etc. It just breaks my heart to realize now that she doesn’t understand how to do things she’s done her entire life.
I’m sorry for what you’re going through. I have nothing at all to say regarding feedback - a medical pro I am not.
However in some of the broad strokes it sounds a little like whatever is wrong with my wife.
She has episodes where she ‘goes away’. She’s responsive to outside input - if you tell her to do X she’ll do it but in dopey manner, as if half-asleep. No stimulus she just .. sits there, eyes open but clearly she’s not home.
She’s _driven_ like this which scares me no end.
It is possible to rouse her from this state by giving her a good shake and calling her name - and she .. wakes up is the best analogy. That’s a good episode. A bad one she’ll come to but be very dozey with a whopping headache.
Doesn’t happen daily, at we can go for weeks at a time. Stress seems to trigger it, as does a lack of sleep. Perhaps both - she’s one to sit up and ponder and not sleep when things are stressful.
This started - or seemed to have started - many years ago, following a bad car accident. Or it could have been happening her whole life - that would (he snarked but not much) explain how she married her first husband.
At any rate a year ago I nagged her into going to the doc about this. Net result - we have a name for it (fugue) but not a way to correct it or even a cause. And she’s adamant that the docs weren’t doing any good so she’s not going back.
Maybe this helps - I hope so - but you are at least not the only one who sees things like this in a loved one.
Sorry you’re having to see your mom like this, Mel. Although it’s tough to know this newest part to her illness, I’m glad your sister got to talk to her boyfriend. Now, maybe something can be done about it.
I don’t have any experience at all in this kind of thing. Perhaps, though, they’re side affects of the medication she’s on. I remember my grandmother acting really strangely from medication she was on. And once they took her off of it, she went back to her normal self.
Will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Brian, WOW. Your wife sounds a little different than my mom though, in that my mom just seems to have forgotten how to do minor tasks. I’ve heard of fugue before and it sounds just terrible. It must be very hard on both of you. Thanks for sharing.
Skye, yeah she’s actually been off everything for about a month now, they weren’t helping so he (the boyfriend) quit making her take it. Thanks for your prayers.
Wow! That’s really gotta suck. I wouldn’t know what I would do if it were my Mom in that state.
I was thinking the same as Skye, so maybe while she’s off them meds maybe she’ll come around.
I’m really sorry to hear that. One of my aunts had something somewhat similar only she “forgot” how to talk. The doctor first thought she might have had a stroke, but could find no evidence of it. For a long time she could answer questions as long as she didn’t think about it first. She would mostly just laugh a lot. Eventually, she got to where she couldn’t talk at all. The doctors never could figure out what happened. It wasn’t alzeimers, and wasn’t really dementia either. Just like a part of her brain just shut down for no apparent reason. I hope you all can get her to the doctor with her boyfriend and that the doc can figure it out.
That’s REALLY freaky, DL!
Sounds to me Mel like an MRI or CAT is in order. Not to scare you but you’re scared already-
“The signs and symptoms of a brain tumor depend on its size, location and rate of growth.
A brain tumor — primary or secondary — can cause a variety of signs and symptoms because it can directly press on or invade brain tissue. This can damage or destroy areas responsible for sight, movement, balance, speech, hearing, memory or behavior. Pressure from a brain tumor can also cause surrounding brain tissue to swell (edema), further increasing pressure and symptoms.
Signs and symptoms can include the following:
* New onset or change in pattern of headaches
* Headaches that gradually become more frequent and more severe
* Unexplained nausea or vomiting
* Vision problems, such as blurred vision, double vision or loss of peripheral vision
* Gradual loss of sensation or movement in an arm or a leg
* Difficulty with balance
* Speech difficulties
* Confusion in everyday matters
* Personality or behavior changes
* Seizures, especially in someone who doesn’t have a history of seizures — as with epilepsy, for example
* Hearing problems
* Hormonal (endocrine) disorders”
HMMMMM, wow thanks, Diane. That’s one possibility that didn’t even cross my mind.
Well I’d hate to think that’s what it was but it’s an option- not a good option but something they should look at I’d think.
Dear Mel, It all looks so similar what my mum was passing trough. She’s still alive but not more than almost plant, this whole summer my sister and I have committed to her.
It started all with forgetting things, who we where, not eating and after that body functions stopped, she cant walk eat nor talk, yet the smile on her face each morning when we where there to take over from our father who with one nurse is caring for her for the rest of the year was overwhelming. I do not know it looks very sad from outside but being there it makes it all OK.
I am sorry to hear that about your mother I hope its not what they think it is!Yall are in my prayers and I hope she gets better!
UPDATE LORI! She’s doing quite a bit better these days. She knows how to do things. She’s still depressed but not nearly as bad.